I said a few days ago that goodbyes are never permanent. That a goodbye simply means that you’re going to be separated for a mere few years and will once again be rejoined on the face of this planet. But I suppose the most heartfelt goodbyes are sometimes permanent ones, and such is the one that I said today.
Today I learned that my friend Jarrett passed away last night due to a heart condition. I don’t think that shock has settled in yet… my classmate–a year younger than me–who I shared assignments and laughs and gum with is now gone and never to be seen again. Of course, with him in high school and me now in college I suppose we wouldn’t have seen each other much, but he was so full of life that my memories of him and this new fact are clashing heavily.
I am truly speechless. His family is having a terrible time, I’m sure, and his brother who is a good friend of mine is just about to go off to college. I have a brother, and imagining the loss of him is just so surreal and terrifying that I hate to even think of it. I can’t even begin to imagine how terrible a loss this is for his family.
It infuriates me that so many people on Facebook suddenly have nice things to say about him; people who didn’t even know him too well. I mean, I didn’t know him too well, either, and I understand that it affects people, but I don’t think that someone dying is an excuse to find a pitying circumstance. People always have nice things to say when somebody dies; it’s the nature of the beast. Perhaps that’s too harsh, and I shouldn’t even really be flustered about it, because I know Jarrett is in a better place now, and I don’t think he’d want me to busy myself with it.
What hurts me the most is just the profound impact that it’s had on a lot of his close friends and my close friends. I really hope they all handle this in a healthy way. There are a lot of people who can’t.
It’s hard to believe the old saying, “everything happens for a reason” in situations like this. It’s hard enough to believe it in daily life, too. I typically look for the silver lining, but this cloud seems to have swallowed it whole.
I’m not the religious type, but I do hope that Jarrett is up there in the sky somewhere where he doesn’t hurt and is relieved of all the painful earthly things that plague each and every one of us. He will be missed. I will always remember the suggestive math pick up lines we would concoct in chemistry when we were supposed to be working, me being envious of his superior mathematic skills, him being happy and carefree no matter what. He was a pretty consistent guy, now that I think about it, and I suppose you could say that those types of people don’t come around all too often. But, Jarrett, let your death not be in vain; I hope even an ounce of good can come out of this tragedy, because right now, everybody is broken and weighted with heavy hearts.