People are different, so their reactions to college are all over the board. I’m not where my reaction is falling in the whole bell curve of the college experience, but I suppose I’d be somewhere within the average. But I don’t know. I’m just struggling with the family aspect of things. I do miss my brother and my pups, but it’s all I can do to not explode on the phone sometimes when my parents call. My dad is better than my mom is about it, but, then again, he always has been. I just feel like I’m apart, but not really apart, and now I wish I would have taken Michelle’s advice and gone out of state. But I suppose there’s nothing to be done about that now, and really, I do love it here. The people are great, the food isn’t shit and I get regular sleep. What more could I ask for? I still have no idea what I want to do (but most seniors I’ve met say that that’s the way to go). What do I do about the family part, though?
Half of me feels like a heartless bitch and the other half says that it’s normal to not miss them. It’s just such a chore for me to keep them updated… I feel bad about not being able to reciprocate their desire to talk. I mean, it’s not my fault, really, but I still feel like most kids have a much more intimate relationship with their parents here. I hear them talk to them and not be ashamed for them to come to the dorm and meet their hall mates. But I can’t say that about myself. Am I just being immature about the whole thing? I don’t know. But you should hear Maddie talk to her parents; it’s like they’re each other’s best friend. My conversations sound like a stoic harsh exchange. Is it just because I’m not an emotional person? I don’t know. Sigh. I feel especially bad when I ask for things from them–like money–and I haven’t really made an effort to talk to them…
College is bringing about a lot of questioning, I guess. That’s a good thing, though; you grow from questioning yourself. But I just hope nobody gets hurt in the process of my questioning.