New Experiences Mean New Questions

People are different, so their reactions to college are all over the board. I’m not where my reaction is falling in the whole bell curve of the college experience, but I suppose I’d be somewhere within the average. But I don’t know. I’m just struggling with the family aspect of things. I do miss my brother and my pups, but it’s all I can do to not explode on the phone sometimes when my parents call. My dad is better than my mom is about it, but, then again, he always has been. I just feel like I’m apart, but not really apart, and now I wish I would have taken Michelle’s advice and gone out of state. But I suppose there’s nothing to be done about that now, and really, I do love it here. The people are great, the food isn’t shit and I get regular sleep. What more could I ask for? I still have no idea what I want to do (but most seniors I’ve met say that that’s the way to go). What do I do about the family part, though?

Half of me feels like a heartless bitch and the other half says that it’s normal to not miss them. It’s just such a chore for me to keep them updated… I feel bad about not being able to reciprocate their desire to talk. I mean, it’s not my fault, really, but I still feel like most kids have a much more intimate relationship with their parents here. I hear them talk to them and not be ashamed for them to come to the dorm and meet their hall mates. But I can’t say that about myself. Am I just being immature about the whole thing? I don’t know. But you should hear Maddie talk to her parents; it’s like they’re each other’s best friend. My conversations sound like a stoic harsh exchange. Is it just because I’m not an emotional person? I don’t know. Sigh. I feel especially bad when I ask for things from them–like money–and I haven’t really made an effort to talk to them…

College is bringing about a lot of questioning, I guess. That’s a good thing, though; you grow from questioning yourself. But I just hope nobody gets hurt in the process of my questioning.

~C

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